Creating Life

For those 1 or 2 that still stop by, I am moving this blog to http://www.creatinglifeblog.blogspot.com I am hoping that by doing this I will be better at updating the blog!

Thanks!

Toni

I am not sure what I have told in the last few updates but here goes.  Because of the holiday season I was unable to schedule a time to go in and get the shot which forces ovulation.  So, we basically just are on our own this month, and I am okay with that.

So in a few more days I will be able to take a pregnancy test.  I don’t hold out much hope for this month.  While trying not to give you to much information I will say that we were at my families over most of the weekend with Hunter sleeping in the room with us so needless to say the baby making was happening.  However, the month I got pregnant with Hunter I really thought we missed our window that month too. So, you just never know…

Sometimes I think that what is harder than a negative pregnancy test or a period that comes are the days in between.  How many times can I count the days in my cycle.  I mean seriously I have been known to look at the calendar or count on my fingers several times in one - like it is going to change.

I get so anxious for the “testing time” to arrive.  This month I don’t get the shot because the shot day falls on Thanksgiving.  So hopefully I will ovulate all on my own.  We actually got pregnant with Hunter on our own after my surgery so I know that I can do it.  Maybe it will be this month, just have to WAIT and see…

Sorry it has been so long since I posted.  I was sad, busy and well just plain neglectful to this blog.

As you recall I was supposed to take a pregnancy test on Monday, not one day before.  I was sticking to it.  Friday night and Saturday morning I kept feeling like my breast were a little tender.  I remember this happening fast when I was pregnant with Hunter so I was, I must say, a little secretly hopeful.  However, I have since concluded that my breast were tender because I kept feeling of them to see if they were tender.  I mean seriously I was a walking soft core porn!!!

Alas on Saturday afternoon I started my period.  I will admit that it hit me a lot harder than I had expected.  I cried off an on through out the day.  Got a little heavy in the wine at a friends “girls wine night” but I have recovered.  I have a precious little boy, a wonderful, supportive husband and the best family and friends (real and bloggy) that a girl could ask for, thus I am very thankful!!!

So stay tuned we are trying again this month!

Oh my goodness the waiting.  It is Thursday.  So, essentially I have 4 more sleeps (4 times of going to bed and getting up) before I can take a pregnancy test.  Well today I went ahead and bought a package of 3.  I was already at Walgreen’s to buy a humidifier for Hunter’s room.  He has a snotty nose and a little bit of a cough and since they scare you to death about medicine for little ones I decided to try this.

Anyhoo, now I have pregnancy tests burning a hole in my bathroom cabinet.  Seriously, what was I thinking.  I mean I have the will power of a 2 year old.  But I know that if I take that test and it is positive and it turns out it is a false positive I will be sad.  I am going to hold off, I know I can, I know I can!

I can still remember taking pregnancy tests almost monthly for the 18 months before we found out that I would have to have a little surgery to conceive.  In the beginning, I was still in mixed emotions, was I sad or relieved that the test was negative.  I really wasn’t sure.  We were newlyweds but not spring chickens so I was not sure how to feel.

Towards the  end of those 18 months it was definitely sadness.  There were months that I just knew I was pregnant.  Of course, I would learn conceiving then was impossible but until I knew that the hope was there.

Then I hit a stretch where I stopped being able to visualize myself as a Mother.  I could no longer see a growing family in my minds eye.  That was scary.  For as long as I can remember I had planned on some day being a Mom.  Even after we found the problem and had hopefully fixed it, I still found myself burdoned with these huge doubts that pregnancy would happen.  Of course it did and I now have a beautiful, happy, smart, wonderful, energetic toddler in my life.

I bring this up because now I am kind of there again.  On Monday I am to take a pregnancy test.  I do want to be pregnant, I want to give Hunter a sibling, I want my family to grow.  I know that the sadness if it is negative will not be the same because I do have Hunter but I know that it will be there.  However, this time around I not only have the wonderful Husband to help me, I have a wonderful son as well…

Let’s hope that my neglect to my second blog is not an indication of how I will treat a second child should God choose to bless me with one!!!

As I stated in my previous post written in what now seem like 10 years ago, I took the Clomid like medicine for 5 days and then on the 13th day of my cycle I went to the ferticlity clinic.

There was a follicle on the left side, I must admit that I had hoped maybe there was more than one follicle - not necessarily for twins sake (although I would be pleased) but just so there was more than one chance.  Anyhoo, I am happy there was one.

I then recieved a shot of HSG to force ovulation.  Our instructions were to have relations for the next 3 nights. You know having to have sex on demand is not the romantic thing.  On top of that the HSG shot made me crampy and I had a sinus infection.  Oh well, you do what you must…

So, I leave you with a picture of my son, and ask for your prayers and good wishes that he gets a sibling.  I take a pregnancy test 1 week from today…

So, I know I have been bad about updating this blog.  I apologize to those thousands tens one that reads it.

All of my test came back normal.  I think the last time that I posted, I was still waiting on one blood test to come back.  Well, I got the call that it was okay and that the next step, if I started my period this time would be to take some fertility drugs.

So, I started my period, and tomorrow I started taking these meds.  It is not clomid but something else.  Then on day 13 I have an ultrasound to ensure that the follicles are there and then I get a shot to help the eggs drop or something.  I think maybe my eggs are tires or something…

Well the HSG went well.  My Mom and I arrived at the office to have my blood drawn for the 2nd part of the baseline test.  Dr. Whittworth did tell me the results from the first draw were good!

Mom and I then went downstairs to the outpatient surgery center and I signed in.  A funny that happened, I was sitting there, filling out my paper work and the nurse came and called me.  As we were walking back I told her I wanted to go ahead and take my valium and pain pill - since I was supposed to take it 45 min - 1 hour before the procedure.  She looked at me really funny.  She got me to my “cubicle” and I noticed all these people standing there.  My first thought was I know it was not like this before.  Then the nurse looked at my clipboard and started laughing, she had called “Grant” not “Brandt”.  Mrs. Grant was there for knee replacement, everyone laughed.  One of the nurses said, well I thought you were walking awfully well!!!

They did call me back a little later and I went in and got my “gown” on and some nice cozy socks.  Then two very nice nurses came to roll be back to the OR.  I told them about my misfortune last time so next thing I know she is hooking me up to monitors and putting oxygen in my nose - just for a precaution.  I was fine with this.

The procedure itself was not that bad.  It did take several tries and several different “tools” to get the dye to go through but the good news is that it did go through.  So, “Ole Lefty” is still in good shape!!!  I actually watched the dye go through on the screen!

Once she gets the results from the second blood test we will make a plan of action…

Tomorrow I have my HSG (hysterosapingogram), see why I use the acronym. I am so not looking forward to it. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited in the fact that we are taking steps but this particular test make me jumpy.

When I had it done before I was pregnant with Hunter I passed out and almost kicked the doctor in the face.  When I came to, there several more people in the room and I had an oxygen mask on.  This time she prescribed me a valium and a pain pill to take before the procedure.  Also, last time was the bad news that my tubes had some problems.  Even if there is bad news this time, I already have Hunter so I just don’t think it will seem as bad.

I also get the second part of my Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test blood work done. I will let you know as soon as I do…